Enterprise Tsar

I'm a couple of days behind on this story - hence the frantic scribble to mention it here - but it's left me even more in awe of the stupidity of the government that is supposed to be ruling my country.

Now, there's been some pretty outrageous behaviour in recent weeks by many of our MPs who have been lying and cheating their way through UK politics far more overtly than their predecessors ever did. The much-highlighted expenses scandal has been plastered over newspaper headlines all over the world and we've been able to see the disdain that our supposed elected representatives clearly have over the general public.

While I can accept a modicum of expense fiddling as part of any job, there comes a time when it becomes clear that you're taking the piss a bit. Charging your company for drinks that you bought for half of your mates, for example, while claiming you were entertaining clients would be pushing it slightly. Claiming expenses back for a duck house on your loch, on the other hand, is so far beyond the realms of piss-taking it deserves its own category altogether. Gross misconduct and theft, probably.

But despite the fact that we've seen married MPs claiming the second home allowance on BOTH their properties - a truly stellar example of bad thinking because, let's face it, that was never going to look dodgy was it? - our politicians are still making fools of themselves and, ultimately, us who voted them in power in the first place.

The first example of this was our very own Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who seems to be flashing his unnerving forced grin wherever he goes these days, seemingly oblivious to the house of cards crashing down around him. While the country continues to fly into disarray and lurch further into financial quagmire, what does our dour Scottish leader do? Call on the world superpowers to unite and drag us back into stability, per chance? Issue a rallying call to his people to keep the faith and keep plugging away at the jobs they hopefully still have? Condemn the far right Nazis who have infiltrated our political makeup under the guise of the British National Party? Actually apologise for the shameless antics of the penny-pinching crooks in his government?

Er, not quite. In one of the oddest moves of the past year, Mr Brown chose a completely different and surreal path to try and endear himself to the British public - namely, announcing his deep concern for the welfare of singing sasquatch Susan Boyle following the final of Britain's Got Talent.

Just let that sink in for a minute. That's like Barack Obama congratulating the latest winner of Survivor. On air. During a live, prime-time morning TV interview. Fair enough, the "hairy angel" went a bit mental and checked herself into the Priory but, really? Surely there are better things to be pre-occupying yourself with - especially if you're supposed to be in charge of actually running a country?

But, not content with this piece of lunacy, the Brown government has followed up with an equally out of leftfield development by appointing Sir Alan "You're Fired" Sugar to the newly-created and pointlessly made up position of Enterprise Tsar. Unbelievable.

Apparently the man responsible for screwing a Premier League football club over, creating a range of awful computers that made the ZX Spectrum look cutting edge and, of course, ripping off Donald Trump's TV show is the perfect candidate to promoting enterprise in our business world. A man so shallow that he actually re-inforced the sexist stereotype of corporate bosses during one season of The Apprentice by "hiring" a fit blonde with nice legs over an infinitely more qualified and savvy woman who, well let's face it, was a bit frumpy. You've outdone yourself this time Mr Brown. Truly outstanding.